Ned’s Snap Judgements of States Vol. 4

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Great, you’re still here!  Yay!  Where I left y’all last time was my family and me leaving Oklahoma City, “home of the ‘giant’ milk bottle.”  The milk bottle was lame, or at least didn’t live up to my expectations, so I attached a photo of it with a ridiculous little kid that makes the picture way better.  Maybe my expectations were a bit high, but when I hear “giant” as a modifier to any word I expect monstrous.  I was thinking I’m going to stumble on a milk bottle for Godzilla, ya know? But anyways, that’s ENOUGH Oklahoma City!  You’ve had your chance to bask in the Ned and the Dirt spotlight.  It’s time to move on.

The rest of Oklahoma between OKC and Amarillo (Aymarilla if you want to fit in with the locals) looked exactly like I thought it would; It was flat, deserted and full of weak shrubbery by which the Knights of Ni would not have been appeased.  Tumbleweeds are real by the way, in case any of you were wondering, and they’re alive and well in this part of the country.

Arriving in Texas was a welcomed change of scenery, and I was really excited to get to Amarillo, TX because I’ve always had fond memories of it since my grandma lived there for awhile.  It’s the only place from which I have actual memories of my grandpa and hanging out with some extended family members that I haven’t seen or spoken to since then.  Amarillo was a distant far away land that I could romanticize because I would never go back there, but upon arriving back in Amarillo my nostalgia for it slammed into the ground as if it were being taken down by the Nature Boy himself.  Amarillo looked like the Newark of Texas.  It was a post-apocalyptic steel town that appeared to have black clouds looming over it.  Half of the buildings were run down amusement parks or places where industry used to exist, but something seemed to have caused a relative exodus out of Amarillo.  It’s entirely possible that I just missed the wasteland landscape in my previous trip to Amarillo because my face was buried in my Gamegear the whole time playing Shinobi, but this didn’t seem like the quaint town where my grandma lived.  I though it was going to be a town that Emily would spray “lovely”‘s all over the place when telling me what she thought of it.  Instead there was a semi-frown plastered on her face, and we both begin our cant that reminded us that the Grand Canyon was just over the horizon.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Texas was just a bunch of nothing and then a crappy run down apocalyptic city.  You know, how people talk about New Jersey is how I would talk about Texas if all I saw was Amarillo.

Texas, we need to have a talk; you should just cut off the high top and give it to Oklahoma.  Trust me.

To the readers, I apologize for this one mostly being about Amarillo, but it’s the only part of Texas we drove through.  Just look at this GIF and forgive me.

Next up is foreign children battling moose in the Grand Canyon.  Oh yeah, and the rest of Arizona, AKA not the Grand Canyon.

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